Current Events Commentator Pillows

Pandemic Jeopardy

"It's Mexico. They're ready to pay for the wall."

'I see disinterest rates are up again.'

In the current climate...

'And this is Editorial, where all the major decisions are made.'

"Well the good news is that the government says that after just another 12 billion of cuts it might be possible maybe mean an end to austerity."

"I promise, Donald, I will not attack civil infrastructure anymore!"

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"White House says latest attacks prove Saddam has donkey carts of mass."

Help Trump's Lawyer Navigate His Legal Defense

"It's not enough to say republican any more. You have to be more specific."

Win-win, GOP-style: kill Obamacare And build tRump's wall

OK to Mix?

"It's not a party - we're just drinking heavily."

"Is Trump white or orange?"

"Hey, Mr. Tax bill. How do you become a law anyway?"

"You must be having a field day with this election."

'The bin was kicked over at 3am there is no evidence of terrorist involvement. John Stokes BBC News.'

"We were against the surge before it was working... and we still are."

'Not that one - he's had his head blown off, so that's alright.'

'...how Syria's chemical weapons are the moral equivalent of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction...'

'Well! Excuse me! If this appears to be what it may appear to be, I'm going to be quite annoyed, even quite very annoyed, to the point of saying, 'Darn you, secret service! Double darn you!''

'Hey, don't bother me about the rioting in Cardiff -- talk to the Prince of Wales, there.'

'Coming up: papers, pins and stones ... and the rest of the rolling news.'

'OK, now you've seen it...'

'What's going on?! A Boston bombing and now a Ricin-laced letter to the President!'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

'Raise the terror alert....again!'

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

Hook them with a crisis.

'Are you boys Klan members?'

'...And now, here's Arnie Whitcomb with a news analysis of a country he heard of for the first time today....'

Next time we're expecting a so called epidemic, we'll do nothing, with any luck it'll go some way to compensating for illegal immigration!

The Great Hunter

'We can monitor e-mails and phone calls of everyone in this world but we can't touch Obamacare.'