Currency Whisperer Gifts

'I doubled my money! The bank dude gave me 20 50-cent-coins for lousy ten one-euro-coins!'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Rising Gas Prices

"Do you swear to calm the jittery financial markets, all the jittery financial markets and nothing but the jittery financial markets, so help you God?"

Computer help.

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

Pandora's box.

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

I.R.S. - Attention Investors! Remember to 'Buy low, sell high' so we can collect capital gains tax!

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

'Boy, are the markets getting sensitive, anymore.'

In the red

'I see you have a stock market/body connection.'

Ukraine War Clouds

'Sir, what's this big once in a lifetime nonnegotiable deduction?'

"You say there's a dip in the market?"

Waiting for the 5 o'clock hooter.

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

One day, John found out that not only he could understand animals but his money, too.

'A few rules for new investors: First never say 'kaching' until the market is up...'

Sad looking computer with plasters and a black eye

"How's the computer analysis going?"

'If I need emergency assistance with this program, do I type 911?'

Stock Market Decline

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

"The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed advice for a fee."

'I'm not asking anything for me but would you indicate to me as to whether you are bullish or bearish?'

"Liquidity is when you wake up one day to see your pension pot has vanished, then you wet yourself."

Thank you for being so kind and approving my loan application. How can I ever repay you?'

Tax Preparation Service - Free alterations.

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."