Curmudgeonly Connoisseur T-Shirts

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Imagine

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"There goes our early night."

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

"Cat got your tongue?"

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

A polar bear has slipped and is sprawled out on the ice next to a yellow caution sign that features a slipping figure.

The Butcher of 35th street.

"See what I mean? People don't know how to relax anymore."

Pizza and Related Searches.

'Who are you and what do you want?'

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

"I'm working on a watercolor."

Blue wine

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

Robinson le Creusot

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

The pilgrimage begins

"We have a Sauvignon Blanc to refresh your palate or a lick of this toad to obliterate your sense of self."

"As weed-whackers go, it's a little quiet for my taste."

Comb over club.

'Honk if you know the meaning of life'

"What do cats want?"

"You think he knows something we don't?"

'You know, this is the second bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'