Curious Cousin Pillows

'I've traced our family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

Boris Johnson related to Mummy

Bitchbark Canoe

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"I can't see a blinkin' thing."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

'@#$=%!} paparazzi!'

"Better luck next time, kid."

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

"Hey guys - wrote a new song! It's called 'I suggested Paris.' And a' one, two three..."

'We're playing doctor ??" Billy's the anesthetist.'

'More hair than brains.'

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

'No, Adam, 'awesome' is not an acceptable choice of what you want to be when you grow up.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'How was I to know that my invisible friend was so rambunctious?'

'I'm looking for a good summer looks....I can't read yet.'

'I'm not lazy - just resting before I get tired...'

'Dog Show' 'Worst breath winner'

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

The Exhaustive Bro Catch Up

Michelangelo's David is cleaned every two months.

The Curiosity Mars rover is seen killing a cat: 'Mission accomplished.'

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

Why cat yoga classes don't work

'Look! There's Santa!'

"And you wonder why they call me a bitch?"

"The dog wants out again!"

The Inventor of the Man Bun.

"OK, here comes Sylvia Sanchez...it's a perfect time to ask her to the homecoming dance."

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.