Curious Couch Tyrant Gifts

I don't trust banks. I keep some of my money right here. It's prudent to have a financial cushion.

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

Couch and Potato

'Dear, the good doctor appears to have misplaced my file. Can you fax over your copy?'

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Police have no suspects at the present time but believe that the motive for robbery was the desire for increased income."

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

Funky Facts:Schools.

"Humbug! I don't believe that you can tell the future!"

"My solicitor tells me I have grounds for a divorce. You're a control freak."

'Don't change the channel.'

Will assuage guilt for money.

Hooligans at Home

'I know I'm just a weather reporter, doc, but I feel guilty every time it rains.'

'My first one is obvious making it illegal to ever question me...In that case, it'll be the right for everyone to never question me! Good catch, daddy. Thanks...'

'If the children can grow up and leave home, why can't you?'

"I'm not religious-just anti-science."

R. Wickert: Born at Home, Died at Home, Home Schooled. . .

Slacker Husband

'This man is wanted in connection with a discarded crisp packet on Saturday 14 July this year...'

"Decrees are old fashioned. I now rule by tweets."

'No, we don't have invisible fence, Dear. Grandpa's allowed to get out of the chair.'

"Where did you get all these pictures of my father coming home drunk?"

'I'm sick and tired of listening to depressed people lying on me with thier dirty shoes!' (analyst's couch).

"Ever since the World Cup she's insisted on wearing the captain's arm band!"

Closed Circuit TV

'I just found the Tories public spending requirement down the back of our sofa.'

'Get in there and clean up your room!'

'When was the last time you saw your TV remote?'