Cupids In Crisis Pillows

"I don't love you anymore. Let's just be friends."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

"He won't eat anything but corn."

NASA Special

Euro crisis: The euro walking over a cliff

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

"You know as well as I do, love is just another word for offshore investments."

"I suppose one of us should call somebody."

Investor loses shirt in Eurozone meltdown.

Valentine's roses $59.99- Feb.15th- $12.99.

"Is there anyone here who specializes in stress management?"

"Will you stop doing that please? Isn't it obvious to you that I just don't fancy him?!"

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

"Have you a cabernet that will pair well with dysfunction?"

"Get your phone."

Boycott datingsite.com

Repent! End of World is Near!. . . Wait for World's End at Joe's Bar & Grill.

'There was a power failure today - we're having steak, fish, chicken, hamburger, turkey, and pork chops for dinner.'

"Put your profile pic on HotSquatch.com, what have you got to lose?"

"How much longer do I have before I have to change to a healthy lifestyle?"

"Hello 911? Yes it is an emergency. It's my ball. It's gone right under the sofa."

Paint By Number

"Don't ask me about the economy, going forward. I was the boss of the banks in the 2008 crash."

"Where can I find 'Self-Help' and 'Spirituality'?"

"I'm only attracted to older women."

Emergencies: The World Economy

Worm complaints desk

Tarot reading

"Thanks, but can we hurry it along? I'm going to be late to my hoarders therapy session."

'So, how are things in Australia?'

'It would never work for us. I'll never be able to hate you as much as your wife does.'