Cunning Curator Gifts

Turtle Hat

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

The Trojan Beagle.

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

A Snowman using a Pooper-Scooper to pick up his Dog's ice cube Doo Doo

You had me at vintage.

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"Works every time."

Redecorating Easter Island.

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'A bed just isn't the same without a person in it.'

Gianni Tatti's Dining-Room Chair

'Well, it's about time!'

Museum of Mediocre Art.

The World's Most Evil Mastermind (and a man sitting in a chair).

"Can you de-schlump him?"

'You asked for the 'Cartoonists' Cut'. You got the Cartoonists' Cut'. What's the problem?'

"Instead of 'It sucks' you should say, 'It doesn't speak to me.'"

E-commerce for shoplifters.

'Excuse me. Could you point me towards the books that would look impressive on my bookshelf?'

'My God, you're right - they are all back issues of TV guide.'

Haile Selassie

The passage of time.

It's a new miracle fabric, of course.

Private View.

'That brush - how many dpi?'

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

'You always have to be different, don't you?'

Leo Brouwer

The Evolution Of Manhood

Jeff hadn't quite anticipated how he'd feel exhibiting his art publicly for the first time.

"This is one of his early works, from before he was able to throw the paint and actually hit the canvas."

"She was an excellent model, but her mother simply couldn't learn to trust me."