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Chez Pretentious Restaurant - All you can pronounce ?25.

F&E Beachside Sandwich Shop. It's the final week for our bite-size summer special. We start with miniature frankfurters on a baguette. It's grilled and then cut into small pieces. And we add lots of dollops of mustard! That's your bite-size summer special? Yeah, they're itsy-bitsy, teenie weenie, yellow polka dot paninis!

Now we know --- It's good for making toast, not good for heating up meatloaf!

Omelette aux grosses herbes

"I think the chef is depressed again."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"You're the lid to my pot."

6 Brothers Falafel

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Rump roast?"

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

Picking pastries.

Cookbooks

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"I come here for the pepper."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"