Culinary School Teacher T-Shirts

"Do you want a clean one?"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"You're the lid to my pot."

"Rump roast?"

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Picking pastries.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Cookbooks

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey