Culinary Educator T-Shirts

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"You're the lid to my pot."

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Picking pastries.

Cookbooks

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Rump roast?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"How fresh is the calamari?"

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"