Culinary Speedster T-Shirts

'What can you whip up real quick? We're eating on the run today.'

'Your tests indicate that you have a very short attention span -- you should be either a short-order cook or a news anchorman.'

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

"And we give you sixty seconds to complete your order or Joey does it for you."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"I just need help getting the pit out."

"Barb's such a fast reader."

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

"Oh, oh, it seems they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane number three."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'Hey, wait for me!'

Am Awful Crammer.

'Never, Ever...drive 56 mph on a 55 mph freeway in a sporty red convertible.'

Birthday Racing Car

Man running

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

"While the chef's dishes tonight are rather bland, his ideas are fresh and appealing."

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"Emergency exits are located on both sides of the cabin...."

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

A souped up car...

Cat makes a dog pound cake with dog cather inside.

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"If you're such an expert, you cook the lobster next time."

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

A woman's work is never done!

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

'I've got a confession to make dear, I'm The Stig!

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."