Culinary Showman Pillows

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"

"Nice try Marge but it's still just a cold pork pie!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Counting ribs

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Your French dip, sir.'

"States of tofu"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Soup of the month.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Chez Nous Menu

6 Brothers Falafel

"That's it. We’re toast."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Night of the Latkes

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"Would you like some wings?"

Cookbooks

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Ninja bread men"

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."