Culinary Rule-bender Gifts

'I found a loophole in my diet rules.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

Boys Cooking

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

Fun on the pyramids

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

"I'm afraid he's right-there's nothing in here about slobber balls."

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

"I was acquitted."

Pray it Don't Spry it.

No petting in the pool!

'I thought you said inflatables were allowed on the beach.'