Culinary Quirky Gifts

'How is the water prepared?'

"One B.L.T., one cherry pie, and one bowl of chili with crackers on the side!"

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"My only love sprung from my only hate!"

"It's a recipe called no-cook fish chowder."

Kentucky Fried Horse

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

Cheese Secret

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

"Don't tell him anything."

'I don't eat red meat. That's ok, this is gone green.'

Diner. We're out of link sausages. Are patties okay? Any pork in a storm!

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

'Creme brulee! You're the best Mum!'

'What on earth is this? Hedgehog soup.'

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

Roadkill Restaurant

Octopi a la mode.

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

Chernobyl Chow

"Nice going, Larry. They're going in after your liverwurst and sardine sandwich that fell behind the fridge last month."

"And the insect du-jour, is that served in the soup or on the side?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

If the fruit isn't genetically modified, explain the fruit fly.

Salvador Deli

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

Seriously, try leaving them out for a day. They're delicious al dente!

'O.K. Smarty Pants, here's your fish, cheese, egg, strawberry jam and pickle sandwich with a topping of ice cream and mustard. Pay up!'