Culinary Quirker Pillows

"A pound of ground beef, hold the beef."

Counting ribs

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Needs salt!'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

To do before Saturday...

Bangers and Mash

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Lockdown casserole

'How is the water prepared?'

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

Ghostbasters 3

Witch's Brew.

Stupid Microwave

Amy Sedaris

"Wow! The big guy! And what kind of B.T.U.s am I looking at here?"

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

"Tastes great, less killing!"

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

"I'm writing a memoir. It's mostly recipes."

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

Cooking With Pollock.

"You wanted to see the pastry chef, sir."

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."