Culinary Poet Pillows

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"States of tofu"

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Soup of the month.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Chez Nous Menu

6 Brothers Falafel

"That's it. We’re toast."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Cookbooks

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Wok. Don't Wok.

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

"Would you like some wings?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Ninja bread men"

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."