Gourmet Poet Pillows

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

Avocado Timeline

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

The mushroom pickers

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'We don't eat just anyone, ya know. You should feel honored.'

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

"Will the gentleman want the saumon poché with or without his initials?"

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

" 'Tonight's Specials,' a poem."

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

Holy Pizza

"Which entrée raises the fewest ethical issues?"

"The menu simply says 'Fried Fish.' I'm waiting for you to provide the lyrical description."

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

Christmas canape?

'Ey-up, here comes the boss!'

Romance novel writers make the best waiters. 'Tonight's special is chicken: ample,milky white breasts, touched with a slight hesitation of strong,rigid basil, too headstrong to stay and too scared to stop.'

Man eating a bad oyster