Culinary Gladiator Pillows

A boxing match between Apple Brown Betty and Apple Pan Dowdy

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"Everything's gone up."

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'We're going to look pretty stupid if it's not a Michelin star.'

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

Onion Guillotine

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

'So, not your favourite restuarant anymore...'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'There's a pork roast in the oven and a casserole in the microwave....two minutes on high.'

It's payback time at the sadistic dentist's office.

"My husband can carry up to fifty times his body weight: he's great to go shopping with..."

Pizza Fencing

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

"Hang in there. If you win this bout, you get to fight his mother."

HEAD CHEF - A chef collects the heads of the chefs that rank below him.

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

"Hold on ... I think a table's about to open up."

Survival of the Foodiest

Wild Irv Moskowitz, the meanest deli-man in the West.

'How many potatoes to make a bottle of vodka?.'

Traditional chefs revolt against new 'Robo-chef'' technology.