Culinary Financial Strategist Pillows

'My fortune cookie says, 'Invest in cnooc oil of China,. and you'll be rewarded.''

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Build Your Own Portfolio

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

'Gentlemen-the sweets smell of success!'

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"I knew a breakfast meeting would be a mistake."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

'You shouldn't put all your cash into one stock... you need to diversify. Try buying beef, vegetable and chicken stock...'

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

Cooking the books

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

"The specials I didn't order sound so much better when you describe them to other people."

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

Lunch Broker

"I suggest an investment in Chicken stock."

'I'm short of ingredients. What's a good substitute for filet mignon?'

'My broker advises me to have the pork bellies.'

Pork bellies 3 times a day...cookbook for the commodities investor.