Culinary Diva Pillows

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"I come here for the pepper."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

The dress uniform of the Catering Corps

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"