Culinary Chaos Enthusiast Gifts

Cooking With Pollock.

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

Steam makes the hat go floppy.

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'I told you we shouldn't have brought him.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Well there's a good idea for dinner, Pesto."

Donner party of six.

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

'Henry! That's the steak-tenderiser!'

"Ok if I enter the disaster area, dear?"

'They love to watch us make pizza, but never come in and order one.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Surprise, mommy! I wanted to do something nice for you."

"No, he isn't choking. He coughed."

"I didn't get the timings quite right, the meat will be ready next Thursday."

Tinguely, Jean. Homage to the Dinner Party Mother Spent Months Preparing. Performance Piece. 1926.

'He should not have ragouted with a reechy betta.'

'Dinner will be a little late -- I was overcome by the fumes.'

"Iron Chef, my ass!"

'Hello, police? There's been a food fight here and I'm afraid the cheese got the worse of it.'

'I told you she is a bad cook - that's just defrosting the chips.'

Ramsay's kitchen nightmare.

Struggling chef.

'Right boys, who would like to carve the turkey?'

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

'MY mother used to use a smoke detector as a meal-timer too!'

Chef chasing an egg.

Sound horn for service.

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'