Culinary Casanovas T-Shirts

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Talk nerdy to me."

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

A masked man serenading

"Our online romance needs fresh start. I think it's time to hit 'ctrl', 'alt', 'delete'."

"We met the old fashioned way – online, in a chat room."

"I'll have the sticky rack of ribs for my main course and something vegan for my Instagram post."

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"First you make a roux."

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

'Going my way, gorgeous?'

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

'I like you, Susan, you have an intuitive interface.'

'This next number is a love song, all about my dinner.'

Scientists Discover the Gene for Heterosexuality in Men

Cooking the books

'I can't tell you what's in the stew because it's classified.'

Firemen called to a cooking accident.

"You are a very beauty woman. May I buy you a coke?"

No Flash Photography of Meals

'I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, vegan and allergic to tomatoes...what have you got that's good?'

'Ah! Flavoured dehydrogenated non-milk fat solids with a soupcon of deoxydropesane and asparteme, it really takes me back to my schooldays.'

Bit on the side

"My compliments to yhe liquidator - that was terrible."

"Of course, all the good ones are fixed."

"I'm a vegan, and my ex is a carnivore. We were divorced on the grounds of irreconcilable dinners."

"My wife has a black belt in cooking, she can kill a man with a single chop."

'Cheer up. It's not every day that your father and I treat ourselves to a meal out.'

I've been reduced to extreme measures. Randy? Is that you? This is the only way to prevent myself from hitting on gals. I can't be allowed to see or smell them. Of for them to see or hear me: My strong but tender hands, the lips that whisper like a gentle ocean breeze, the ... Oh, no! My turn-of-phrase is too sexy to be contained by a shroud! An ocean breeze with bad coffee breath.