Culinary Avant-garde T-Shirts

Veggie Fare - Choose Your Own Soya Beans

Jazz is Invented

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

'How is the water prepared?'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

Blend Schools

"I'm outside the fancy dress shop...."

'I saw an offbeat play the other night. No one took off their clothes.'

Richard Wagner's other Ring Cycle.

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"The recipe? Well, there's lentils, garlic, tofu, and a pinch of our illegal secret ingredient."

"Stop complaining, granite is in."

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

We don't have poached eggs. How about an elephant tusk?'

"That's Julian you can hear, he's really arty-farty this evening"

"It's a deconstructed steak pie and 12 lagers."

Rico Pazzolini's Electric Chair

Bob tries, unsuccessfully, to wear the world as a loose garment.

"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."

'Combination 3.0 dinner is also available in an upgraded version 3.1.'

'I quit!'

Two men compete over who is least recognised

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

Rodin's Thinker in front of refrigerator.

"Let that be a lesson to you. Never order a steak in a seafood restaurant."

"One B.L.T., one cherry pie, and one bowl of chili with crackers on the side!"

"My dear Farrington, I fear that your so-called 'piercing' will never catch on..."

Frying sausages by the sea.

The Ascension of the Rose of Lima

Design for the Prospectus of The Savoy I- Censored

Art gallery - way out / not so way out.