Culinary Avant-garde Pillows

Veggie Fare - Choose Your Own Soya Beans

Jazz is Invented

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

'How is the water prepared?'

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Blend Schools

'I saw an offbeat play the other night. No one took off their clothes.'

"I'm outside the fancy dress shop...."

Richard Wagner's other Ring Cycle.

Francis Picabia

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

Pants Uglifier!

'Ahh, but it's a Dyson saltshaker.'

"The recipe? Well, there's lentils, garlic, tofu, and a pinch of our illegal secret ingredient."

"Stop complaining, granite is in."

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

We don't have poached eggs. How about an elephant tusk?'

"It's a deconstructed steak pie and 12 lagers."

"That's Julian you can hear, he's really arty-farty this evening"

Bob tries, unsuccessfully, to wear the world as a loose garment.

'I quit!'

Rico Pazzolini's Electric Chair

Two men compete over who is least recognised

'Combination 3.0 dinner is also available in an upgraded version 3.1.'

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."

Rodin's Thinker in front of refrigerator.

"Let that be a lesson to you. Never order a steak in a seafood restaurant."

"One B.L.T., one cherry pie, and one bowl of chili with crackers on the side!"

The Ascension of the Rose of Lima

Art gallery - way out / not so way out.

Frying sausages by the sea.

"My dear Farrington, I fear that your so-called 'piercing' will never catch on..."