Cubicle Dweller Gifts

"It's a poor heart that never rejoices!"

A deadline comes to chew up a worker.

The plan to increase productivity by canceling coffee breaks flopped.

17 Days Without a Reorganization

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

Cerebral cortex stuff, pleasure/pain stuff, lizard brain stuff.

'Yes, I work well with others - just not with these others.'

"What choice do we have? I can't fire him. He knows too much."

Rubik's Cubicle.

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

'And then, get this: she tells me I compartmentalize my feelings!'

'Try recording it again but this time, don't laugh when you say, 'Your call is important to us'.'

Office slaves.

'Our space utilization study revealed that you have two square feet more than is allotted, so we're going to keep the office recycling bin in here.'

'A token of my appreciation for all the late hours you've been putting in. It's a nightlight.'

Boring Inc. It was business as usual.

In retrospect, Howard should have taken the raise instead of asking for his own cubicle.

'Something has spooked the prairie dogs.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Someone's been sitting in my cubicle!' 'Someone's been eating in my cubicle!' 'Someone's been sleeping in my cubicle!'

"We've laid off half our staff. Can you do the job of two people?"

If you experience eye strain at work, simply focus momentarily on something far away.

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

"Don't pay any attention. Simmons is always yelling 'Wolf' about something."

Cubicle Slavery

"Some of the poor wretches eventually become unable to leave the safety of their cubicles."

"I finally got myself organized and unsubscribed from all those-e-mails."

Office Pool of Paperwork.

'Where do I see myself in five years? Well, if I make it through this day...'

'It's OK, we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you learn to cover your tracks.'

'Want to trade ruts for a while?'

Bill's never been a team player.

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

"When he's awake, he can work circles around me."