Cubicle Diplomat T-Shirts

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

"No, mom. . . it was last winter when I was skating on thin ice. This spring I'm just walking a fine line."

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'That's our mission statement.'

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

"I tell you, it's a jungle out there!"

'By the time I get to greener pastures, my lawn mower will be worn out,'

Busy day at the office.

After years of working in an office without a door, Doug was moved to a door without an office.

"It's another day, Phil. Planning to suit up?"

'Are these billable hours?'

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

'Are we replacing you with a computer? Ha! That's a good one. If we replaced you with a chimpanzee it would be over qualified.'

"I've got an office and I've got a window, but I wouldn't say I've got a window office."

'Miss Johnson, would you mind ordering me another computer? And you can cancel that call to tech-support.'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

"Damn! Just as my inertia was starting to build up momentum."

"It doesn't do you any good being depressed about your job, because you're stuck doing it for the rest of your life."

Al, The Go-From Guy

'I'm going to have to transfer you to someone I don't like.'

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

'We were able to make a quick alliance together because of common insecurities.'

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

"You're nobody's fool but you're not too smart for you own good, either."

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

"A man's cubicle is his castle—eh, chief?"

'Quite frankly sir, I think you're stifling my creativity.'

Warning - Suggestions can be hazardous to your career.

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

'I didn't actually say you were getting a promotion...I was merely lip-synching.'

"And yet, as we look at our lives, can't many of us say, 'My cubicle is too small?"

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.