Cubicle Diplomat T-Shirts

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

"No, mom. . . it was last winter when I was skating on thin ice. This spring I'm just walking a fine line."

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'That's our mission statement.'

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I tell you, it's a jungle out there!"

Busy day at the office.

'By the time I get to greener pastures, my lawn mower will be worn out,'

'Are these billable hours?'

After years of working in an office without a door, Doug was moved to a door without an office.

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

"It's another day, Phil. Planning to suit up?"

"I've got an office and I've got a window, but I wouldn't say I've got a window office."

'Are we replacing you with a computer? Ha! That's a good one. If we replaced you with a chimpanzee it would be over qualified.'

'Miss Johnson, would you mind ordering me another computer? And you can cancel that call to tech-support.'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

"Damn! Just as my inertia was starting to build up momentum."

"It doesn't do you any good being depressed about your job, because you're stuck doing it for the rest of your life."

Al, The Go-From Guy

'We were able to make a quick alliance together because of common insecurities.'

'I'm going to have to transfer you to someone I don't like.'

"You're nobody's fool but you're not too smart for you own good, either."

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

"A man's cubicle is his castle—eh, chief?"

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

'Quite frankly sir, I think you're stifling my creativity.'

Warning - Suggestions can be hazardous to your career.

'I didn't actually say you were getting a promotion...I was merely lip-synching.'

There's got to be more to life than just sitting at a desk...

"And yet, as we look at our lives, can't many of us say, 'My cubicle is too small?"

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

"The enemy of my enemy isn't my friend, but we do occasionally carpool together on the way into the office."

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.