Cruller Connoisseur Gifts

F&E Bakery. April is the cruller-est month. Any other bright ideas for a seasonal promotion?

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Curling your hair for no reason

'You reek of crackers.'

'I like to wear women's collars.'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Woman Curls Her Dog.

Moliere

Charles Dickens.

'Dear father for what I am about to receive I give thee thanks.'

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

C Day Lewis.

Bleak House

"It's less of a spell than it is a signature scent."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

'Of course it's lite. I wouldn't make it if it wasn't lite.'

Spot the Higgs Boson competition

"I love the way next door never tidy their garden - it's the perfect source of blackberries for our apple crumble."

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

"Hey dude, when I said curls might help, that's not what I meant."

'That explains why I have so much trouble parallel parking.'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

Regular/Organic Cauldrons.

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

Sergei Rachmaninov

Fashion world.

MasterWitch

Is there anything you want to say to me? Get back to work? I pay you too much? I can hire a migrant worker for half your pay and he won't complain to me in English? And he probably won't be loyal to you and this cafe for 20 years. Twenty years. Twenty years. It's your 20-year anniversary? I'm assuming that's the extent of your acknowledgment of this momentous occasion, and I should not expect a cake. You may have a day-old cruller for half price.