Crisis Intervention Gifts

Good News/Bad News: Crisis Control Center

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'I see everyone got the memo.'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

COVID-19 Stops Economy

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"I wanted to always play it down. I still like playing it down because I don’t want to create a panic."

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

Save the world together

The inevitable conflict of interest facing every crisis manager.

"My God, now what?"

"Has our apologist been alerted?"

Tsipras and Merkel

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

"Until we know more about the nature of the threat, we should stay calm and wash out hands to keep it from spreading."

More Money for Greece.

Emergency Firebreaker

"Get me someone in Apologies, someone in Walkbacks, and send up the whole Scapegoating team."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

Coronavirus: People Dying/People Losing Money

It wasn't easy, but we finally plugged the hole.

Coronavirus and Atlas

"Speechmaking during a pandemic can be unnerving.. just pretend there's an audience!"

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

'What a great day! I spent the morning burning bridges and the afternoon putting out fires!'

Master of Disaster

"Typing and shorthand will be useful but how are you at handling the unexpected?"

She left him to go find herself. It only took 20 minutes, which was sort of embarrassing, so she decided to hang out at the mall for a while.

We need bold action to raise morale, yet not make people think there's a problem.

"The Lord has heard your prayers and has sent me to say unto you, shut up about it already."

'He's not finished his media training!'

"Dear economists, we need a decision!"