Criminal Author Fans Gifts

'I'm seeking early parole so I can go on a book-signing tour.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Cat Burglar

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

The evidence destroyed

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

Crime in bookshop

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

Moses as a mobster.

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"Oh come on! How can you possibly know that it's Yorick without a proper forensic reconstruction?"

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"I couldn't finish that book either."