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'It's always WITNESS protection programs! -- How come they never have CRIMINAL protection programs?'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"Now that's a win."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

Police film evidence

"#notguilty."

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

'When I grow up I want to join the SWAT team!'

'I hate frisking magicians!'

"Take your time. Do you see the person who made you wear that dress?"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

He loves the water.

Miami Mice

'Hey, buddy -- can you keep a secret?'

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Lawn Order. It's a landscaping show about maintaining a tidy yard.

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

"I can't be sure...I only got a quick look."

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of "CSI: Miami" to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45pm? The Youtube generation grows up fast.

Cat points to the dog who injured him, at a police station.

'There's my place. Technically it's still a crime scene, but you're more than welcome to traipse through it.'