Crime Scene Fanfic Writer T-Shirts

'The police report says that he had a great fall... but I'm going to run some tests.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Puss in cement boots"

Cat Burglar

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

The Philip Marlow family

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

The evidence destroyed

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'