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Offer you can't refuse

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Cat Burglar

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

The evidence destroyed

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

Moses as a mobster.

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"Paper or plastic?"

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

Fish mobsters.