Crime Novel Lover Gifts

'There's £200 missing from the safe. What do I do?'

"The one at the end looks shifty"

'Are you the one they call 'the silencer'?' 'Say no more.'

'...then the drone blasts the back wall of the bank.'

The Watchman

'One victim, four suspects... It's like in a bloody Agatha-Christie-novel! Dang, I hate that mystery stuff...'

The Philip Marlow family

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

Newton's Law and Order.

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"We've hit the jackpot! It's Ed Sheeran's songwriting formula."

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"Paper or plastic?"

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"I couldn't finish that book either."

'Make it look like an accident.'

Parachuting with Concrete Shoes

"It's a beautiful day except for the murders."

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

"You're under arrest for an attempted murder."