Crime Fiction Appreciator Gifts

'Naughty in what way?'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Cat Burglar

"Puss in cement boots"

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

The evidence destroyed

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'