Crime Comedy Connoisseur Pillows

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

"Would I describe them as youths? Sure. They were certainly younger than 70."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

'He likes to power nap.'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

The Trojan Beagle.

Happy Hour

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

The Snarky District

Emergency Phone.

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'