Crime Boss Pillows

'If you can't distinguish right from wrong, you have no business being the head of a crime family.'

"Where should we dump it, boss?"

"I'm very touched, fellows."

"I'm overcompensated, but I'm not overcompensated enough."

"We're constantly looking for ways to dispose of leaves we rake up from the boss's front yard."

"I'm your muscle's personal trainer."

'I'll get my people to talk to your people, and we can go off and have a picnic.'

It was official. She was desperate.

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

A mobster with a dead body in his office out box.

'Keep an eye on Jimmy the Shark during today's meeting. You can always tell if he's planning a double-cross by the way he fidgets with his iPhone.'

"It was postponed - the tide was out."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 29

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

Violent Crime Statistics

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

'If you'll excuse me, my car is on fire.'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"I do love you, but I love you as a crimefighter."

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'Your father installed a security system.'

"Yours is the worst case of identity theft I've investigated."

With his mothers persuasion, Joe decided to 'come clean' to the police!

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2