Credential Critic Pillows

"… and this one too, doc — 'university' is definitely spelled wrong."

'The LACK of a resume indicates that I don't need one.'

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

"One can be against entitlements, and still feel a sense of entitlement."

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

"This computer program is very intuitive. It automatically calls me when you do something stupid."

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"So basically you're telling us that you make the youngest of your species sit in a room for twelves years and that is an education. . . you're kidding, right?"

'To much orange.'

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

We've been pre-approved by the credit card company to give them a loan.

'Is it me or do these new led street lights wash out the reds and yellows?'

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

"O.K., here I am in the fourth grade, but is that really what I want to be doing with my life?"

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

If students are more than a test score why aren't teachers?

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

"You could do a lot worse then be good at football... I know... some people have to settle for politics."

"I know you went to Harvard, but stop asking to see my resume."

"For the next few hours, I'll be bringing you info with no tainment."

Time Slavery.

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

"It's off-white, but a little too off. It may get very tiring. What do you think?"

"All staff are equal...but some are more equal than others!"

'Remember how we used to put stuff on layaway?'