Creature Career Counselor T-Shirts

Career options for ants.

"Staff support"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Do you have any other skills?

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

Caged Businessman

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"What's your occupation?"

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'