Crabby Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Stop touching me.'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Police Feline Unit

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Do Not Resuscitate

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

Speed Dating for Turtles

Faster, Georges, faster!

Selling lemon latt�

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Cariactures

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

'Cannonball!'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

Here and There Trays