Cozy Philosopher Pillows

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Pigeon Little

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

Studies show foods work miracles!

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

At the 2021 Religious Games

Reverse psychology

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

The Three Kinds of People

Hamlet in the craft shop.