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'No, you may not give your answers a musical twist!'

Trial by Media

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

I love Lawyers

"Now that's a win."

Barristers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

Sue The Bastards

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."