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'No, you may not give your answers a musical twist!'

Trial by Media

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

I love Lawyers

"Now that's a win."

Barristers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'