Courtroom Poet Pillows

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."