Courtroom Artist Pillows

'Your honor, the state has reason to believe that the defendant is a flight risk.'

'Think of it this way: the jury has given you 25 years to get your act together.'

"The only person who is going to be able to make any sense of this trial is the sketch artist."

'It's not so much to protect his identity - he's just ugly.'

'I sentence you to three good clips around the ear.'

'Objection, your honor. The courtroom artist isn't doing me justice.'

'Objection! He keeps talking. How am I supposed to get his mouth right?'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

I love Lawyers

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

'The highest court in the land.'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"