Courtroom Artist Pillows

'Your honor, the state has reason to believe that the defendant is a flight risk.'

'Think of it this way: the jury has given you 25 years to get your act together.'

"The only person who is going to be able to make any sense of this trial is the sketch artist."

'It's not so much to protect his identity - he's just ugly.'

'I sentence you to three good clips around the ear.'

'Objection, your honor. The courtroom artist isn't doing me justice.'

'Objection! He keeps talking. How am I supposed to get his mouth right?'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

I love Lawyers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

'The highest court in the land.'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.