Courtroom Gladiator Pillows

"I think I've lost a step with age. Instead of suing I usually just wind up counter suing."

'Sorry, I just get a little sentimental whenever I see my first filing.'

"I'll have my people stalk, kill and devour your people."

'Sorry, but you only have six months to live...but if you marry a lawyer a lawyer it'll be the longest six months of your life.'

Who to Sue Today.

Professional wrestlers rarely go anywhere without a lawyer.

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

Planet of the Lawyers

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

American Football.

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"At least he's honest about it..."

Football.

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

"What makes me a great attorney, as opposed to an adequate one? - My brother, the judge."

Punishment for the kicker.

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in you now. Take the red whiteboard marker. Give in to your anger.'

The company lawyer's self-image vs the boss's self-image.

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'