Courtroom Dramas Pillows

'He said, 'in his professional opinion, his bill was not outrageous'. Then he billed me for that opinion.'

Contest of wills.

'Your honor, my client feels you should recuse yourself as he is a cat person.'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"Don't deny it, Mr. Bull. We have a reliable witness who says you were indeed in the China shop."

"Did you or did you not perform the fake ball toss on my client, causing irreparable humiliation?"

Trial by Media

'The fact is, you arrived after the shots were fired. You never actually saw my client pull the trigger. Isn't that true?'

'That's not the way to plead!'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, by golly, you may have a creditable defense after all."

'Slow down. . . okay. . . 'Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god?''

'First of all, get yourself a good lawyer. I highly recommend anyone but mine.'

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

"The plea bargain agreement is you plead guilty and charges against my next two clients will be dropped."

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

"...and get that sling out of my court."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor -- it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and....'

'My client pleads 'guilty,' Your Honor, but admits to no wrongdoing.'

'The jury have instructed me to say that they expected a rather more spicy case.'

What were you doing in the meadow?

"Oh, that;s Harrington...the hanging Judge."

A Good, But Not A Supreme Court

'Yes, Your Honor, I mugged the guy -- but I mugged him without regard to race, creed, or color.'

'30 days? Isn't that term rather harsh under celebrity law?'

'I'm afraid Ill have to disqualify myself from presiding in this case- I can't stand bald-headed men with moustaches.'

Trail Lawyers For The Pretentious - "J'accuse!", "Mais Non!"

'I'm not sure if I'm divorced or not. After seeing my husband in court the judge gave custody of him.'

'To beat this rap, you'll need a lawyer more expensive than me.'

'Twenty years? -- There must be another way!'

'If you had seen as many Perry Mason Shows as I have, you'd know he's not guilty.'

'I call my next witness: the victim.'

"Ejection, your Honor."

'The Jury has found you not guilty of robbery.'

"Yes, Johnny, as an attorney I do occasionally sue people, but we call it litigation, not sewage."