Courtroom Confounder Gifts

Jury foreman decides using a coin flip.

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'Court's in recess!'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Bailiff."

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'They named special prosecutors to investigate each other.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

Justice 4 Ron

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

Arrogant junior barrister

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'Yeah? -- Well, there's a thin line between being a strict constructionist and being a stupid jerk!'