Courtroom Comedy Club Pillows

"He was someone you had to light a fire under in order to get anything done."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Gary turns 40.

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

Yawning barristers in court

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

A baby in court

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."