Court Virtuoso T-Shirts

"Watch out for his back hand."

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

"Whine and cheezed party."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'He's the bluesman's bluesman.'

"You have to practice because if the Devil challenges you to a fiddle contest and wins, he gets your soul."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

Trying cellos, too big!

Restrictive Abortion Laws

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

"take your best shot, counselor."

"If you were truly blessed by genius, it wouldn't end there, believe you me!"

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a living Constitution!'

'Innocent Mr Wilks? I'll be the judge of that.'

"You want to be a lawyer, do you? That could be construed as obstruction of justice!"

A barrister with his first brief

Wine, Whine. Unwind.

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

'Remember, Son - You're never too young to litigate.'

'I'll tell you what worries me -- What if they name a special prosecutor, and HE starts naming special prosecutors?'

"This case poses a very difficult choice... I know, coin toss!"

Menu. Will you do it? It'll cost you -- Two lattes. Fine. Just do it. Ok, stand back. You stupid #*& phone. Stop disconnecting my calls, you #*&% jerk! It needed doing, but I couldn't yell at my own phone. That felt wonderful.

'When the going gets tough, the tough SUE.'

The Achiever: competing with the appearance of virtue

'We find the defendant guiltyish.'