Court System Pillows

'Well, yes. We do normally offer to represent clients on a 'no win, no fee' basis. But yours looks more like a 'no win, no chance' case.'

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

The Jose Padilla Experience

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

Justice 4 Ron

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

' Of course there isn't one law for the rich and another for the poor..There's only one impartial law. For all who can afford it.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'