Court Recorder Pillows

'After counsel said, 'You did it', the defendant said, 'Did not', followed by a, 'Did too'. . .'

Trial by Media

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Now that's a win."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Bailiff."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Yawning barristers in court

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

'The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in what sense?'

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'I can hardly wait for someone to invent paper.'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"